A mom who is making a difference in Africa.

In the last 24 hours I have been keeping track of how little I value water.   I wake up, use the bathroom and flush the toilet (there go 2 gallons), I turn on the faucet to wash my face and brush my teeth.  Even though I am careful to conserve, I am sure another 3 gallons have gone down the drain.  I make coffee (with fresh water) then head upstairs for a shower, rinse breakfast dishes and run the dishwasher.  Before 9 am in the morning, I am sure I have used at least 20 gallons of water (probably more).  Can you imagine having no access to clean water?  Take a minute to think about how you would live without one of the most basic necessities.

Even if we can’t imagine life without plenty of water, there are literally billions of people around the world that face this reality EVERY day.  I had the pleasure of meeting a woman, Kristen Kosinski, who created The Samburu Project that has already helped over 20,000 Kenyans gain access to clean water.  When I heard about Kristen, a million questions raced through my head: How did she get started on this mission?  Why did she chose Africa and where does she find the strength to keep this project going after giving birth to a son who is now almost two years old?

Kristen and I met at her office in Venice, a small space in the back of a local church.  The office is small and she shares it with three others. Her personality filled up the room and my initial impression is that this is a gal who isn’t afraid of much.  Kristen, and her 9 brothers and sisters, grew up outside of Pittsburgh  in what she describes as a conservative family.  As a young girl, she recollects she had visions of herself in Africa, surrounded by natives in colorful dress.  When asked why, she says it is hard to put a finger on the answer.  The best explanation she can think of is her fondness for the volumes of National Geographic that her grandfather used to share with her.

As Kristen grew up, she has countless recollections of her strong desire to travel to Africa.  However, she had no means for pursuing her dream because she was young and didn’t have the resources to realize her dream.  She attended college and after graduation became a teacher for Teach for America, an organization committed to eliminating education inequity in low-income communities.  She was placed in Houston and taught fifth grade for the next two years; then, moved to Los Angeles to teach for another year.  After working with Teach for America, she wasn’t sure what her next pursuit would be, but after talking to one of her brothers she secured an interview for a job with a casting director in the area.  Before long, she was completely entrenched in the entertainment industry and all of the excitement that Hollywood has to offer.  As her career progressed she joined Paramount and oversaw programming for some of the most popular shows on television including:  JAG, Becker and Girlfriends.  She worked with and incredible group of people and had a boss that could only be described as amazing.

In early 2005 there was a shake-up in the executive ranks of Paramount (which was owned by Viacom).  Shortly thereafter, several of Kristen’s colleagues were let go- including the boss who guided her career for years.  The manner in which this turn of events transpired caused Kristen to do some deep thinking.  Was her job on the line? Even if she wasn’t let go immediately, would she spend her prime years committed to company that might find her dispensible?  As her most current employment contract neared the end of it’s term, she planned a trip to Africa.  At the time she wasn’t sure if her contract would be renewed or if she would be let go.  But in her fearless manner, she booked the trip anyway and continued to negotiate her contract.  As the company came back to her several times, she found herself in a tough position: take the contract and play it safe or stand her ground and risk losing everything.  She stood her ground and the contract was not renewed.  In the back of her mind was that nagging feeling that she needed to move on with her life.  Something was pulling her to Africa and she was interested to find out what it was.

The way Kristen explained the culmination of her ten year career was that on Friday, June 19th, 2005 she had a farewell lunch with her co-workers, packed the last of her belongings; and,  by dinnertime she had boarded a plane on her way to Kenya for three months.   A short wave of panic washed over her as she asked, “What I am doing?”    While she did have a game plan (a driver to pick her up at the airport and a place to stay) she wasn’t sure where her journey would take her emotionally.  She knew she wanted to find a purpose in Africa- she just wasn’t sure what it would be.

She arrived near the gates of The Samburu Game Reserve and met a woman named Rebecca.  Rebecca was the leader of a woman’s group called an “Umoja”- a group of women who have left or been cast out of their villages.  Rebecca was well versed in English and was able to communicate with Kristen that she was all about empowering the women of Africa.  Kristen couldn’t believe her good fortune.  It was almost as if some universal force had brought her and Rebecca together.  With Rebecca by her side, Kristen was introduced to countless African women that shared their stories of life, survival, tragedgy and triumph.  The one theme that perisisted through almost every story Kristen heard, was the lack of clean drinking water.  Since the women of the villages spend a majority of their day walking to find water there is no time for income generating activity  And, along those same lines, the daughters who help their mothers in the quest for water are left with not time for education.  The water that they do encounter is often filled with bacteria and disease as these watering holes are shared with wild animals who deficate in the vacinity.  Illness and death run rampant among the villagers- both children and adults suffer equally.  Kristen learned the only way to solve this problem is to drill wells in order to reach the water table that is 70 Meters below the Earth’s surface.

Sitting in my home, typing this blog it is hard for me to imagine that there are people living in such dire circumstances.  I think about it for about 24 hours then I get on with my life.  Kristen Kosinski is different.  She decided that she would not come home and put the experience behind her.  She knew she had to take action.  Even if she was only able to impact a handful of people, she was going to seize the opportunity do as much as she could.

Mid-September, Kristen flew back to Los Angeles.  She hit the ground running, she filed documents to create charitable organization within weeks of her return.  She hosted her first fundraiser in October, another in April and was able to raise approximately $65,000 within a year.   During her year back in Los Angeles, she survived on her savings and spent countless hours researching how to drill a well and calling Africa to find professionals who could help her complete her project.  Initially, she  estimated that it would cost $2,000 to drill each well,  but she quickly learned the cost was closer to $10,000 (her first small setback).  She stayed in contact with Rebecca, who was all set to help her oversee the drilling.  Almost one year to the day, Kristen flew back to Africa to oversee her first well drill.  Upon arrival, she found that Rebecca had vanished (her second small setback).  She proceeded to meet with the company she had contracted to drill her wells, only to find out that their organization was not competent enough to complete the project (deal breaker).

So, here she is in Africa, without her main contact and without a drilling company.  Thank goodness for Plan B.  She had been in talks with a 2nd well driller who was unwilling to make a deal until they met face to face.  As a last resort, Kristen called on this company and was able to negotiate a last minute deal.  She explains that the actual process of drilling a water well is surreal.  First, a geologist does his reasearch to find a water table, then drilling rig is directed to the ideal location, the rig revs up its engine as the drill bit digs into the earth- within an hour water is spraying up out of the hole and an all out celebration ensues: dancing, singing, laughing and celebration.  A resource that has alluded these villagers for hundreds of years is now within reach.  Amazing.

The details that Kristen shared were inspiring- but I am running out of space and time.  Let me wrap up with some really important points.  World water day is March 22nd and Kristen is organizing a Walk for Water in the South Bay scheduled for March 21st.  I hope you all can participate.  You really should visit the website for The Samburu Project- www.thesamburuproject.org and learn more about this amazing organization.  Finally, Kristen is a great example of the phrase “You are never too small to make a difference”.  I hope you will read her story and realize that anyone of us has the power to impact the world- your impact can be big or small- but every little bit helps.

Why is the milk sitting out on the counter?

The other day my husband (trying to be helpful) called upstairs to me, “Why is the milk sitting out on the counter?”  Pause.  ”Um, I can’t remember”, I say, “but could you just put it back in the fridge”.  Later, as we were going to bed, I explained, “I remember why I left the milk out.”  Pause….he didn’t ask why, but I told him anyway, and here is the story as I remember it:

Will asked me for a bowl of cereal as a snack.  I pulled the milk out of the fridge, then heard a cry of frustration from the upstairs bathroom.  I ran upstairs to find my youngest, Cade, struggling to get his pants off to use the toilet (he had to do more than pee).  I got him stiuated then noticed the hand towel in that bathroom was grimy and dirty, so I took it to the laundry room to throw it in the hamper.  Upon entry into the laundry room, I realize the load in the dryer needed to be folded.  I pulled the clothes out while they were still warm, just to lay the clothes flat so they wouldn’t wrinkle.  Now I have laundry all over my bed and my son calls me from the bathroom for a wipe.  We wipe, wash hands and shoot, there is no hand towel, so I return to linen closet to get a hand towel and every single towel falls out on my head.  I dry, replace the towel in the boys bathroom and return to the linen closet to refold those towels.  Evan calls me, his computer won’t turn on.  I climb under his desk to make sure everything is plugged in, then I test the socket to make sure that there isn’t a short…turns out the monitor is turned off- yeah it’s fixed!

Will calls me from downstairs, “Mom can I have a bar?”  ”Sure” I yell back, still unphased that I pulled the milk out (that was ages ago).  Back to the laundry, finish folding, throw clothes from washer to dryer, start one more load.  Put clothes away- partially, I hate this job and am easily distracted.  Cade calls me for help in putting a Lego Star Wars ship back together- I spend 20 minutes and never really figure it out.  That is when I hear the question about the milk.   I think this is a pretty great explanation of why I left the milk on the counter.  Don’t you?

List of things I am thankful for:

Have you ever sat down to write a list of things you are grateful for?  I am going to do that now.

I am thankful for…

My beautiful boys.  They remind me, every day, what life is all about.  And, the fact that they are all healthy is such a gift from god.

My supportive husband.  He helps me with everything and never complains about anything (other than the shoes I leave around the house).  He goes to work all day then comes home and helps me fold the laundry, pick up the house, put the kids to bed…the list goes on, but seriously, he never asks for anything in return.

My parents. They devoted all of their time and resources toward raising us kids- with perspective I now realize what a hard job that is.  My mom goes out of her way to make EVERYTHING special: from the way she wraps gifts to the projects she creates for my kids.   My parents show tons of love and affection to my kids.  The boys just love having them around.

Brad’s parents.  They  raised three of the most wonderful boys.  They never comment on how we parent our children and have nothing but positive feedback for our family.  Also, they don’t make us feel guilty when we can’t make it back to Kansas for holidays.  They just express gratitude when we do make it back. Our boys love and miss them when they don’t get to see them all the time.

My siblings.  Kim, you are such a wonderful mother and you have gift for “going with flow”.  I also love how you express yourself in writing. Maybe you should write a blog!  Bryan, your kindness and compassion towards others is greater than you are aware of.  You are the kind of person that would drop everything to help others.  A rare attribute.

Brad’s siblings.  How does one girl get lucky enough to have such an amazing support network of family?  Brad’s brothers and their wives and children are truly an amazing bunch of people.  Each and every one of them is gifted with a talent.  We just shared our Thanksgiving together and I am energized by their love and solidarity to one another (including me).

My health.  I am blessed to be healthy and wake up every day thinking as much.

My friends.  I am so lucky to have a beautiful circle of friends.  People who support my blog, my family and who are willing to listen to me when I am down.  People who lift me up, say kind things and laugh with me.  My friends over-look the parts of me that are annoying and help me to be a better person.

This is just a snapshot of some of the things I am grateful for.  I don’t want to bore you all with minutiae, but I hope that you will take the time between now and the end of the year, to take inventory of your life and express gratitude for what you have.

Book Suggestion:

The Help by Kathryn Sockett.  This was an amazing read and I found it hard to put this book down.  The story takes the reader back to the early 60’s in the deep south.  It is hard to believe that in such recent history there was still a great deal of prejudice and racial tension in pockets of the world.  The story is told from the perspective of several different women whose lives are intertwined.   This is an intense story of how these different women deal with the issue of racism during the civil rights movement.  I felt myself getting personally involved in pulling for some of the characters while despising others…all as a result of the skillful writing.  I can’t say too much about the book, because I don’t want to spoil the story and outcome.  Pick it up and see if you feel as strongly as I did once I finished.

It is health that is the real wealth, not pieces of gold and silver.- Mahatma Ghandi

Last year, October, I featured a stories about two moms who are both friends  (Bryn Colvin and Lisa Mittleman) both of whom had been recently diagnosed with breast cancer.  I felt the timing of the story was appropriate and inspirational because October is Breast Cancer awareness month and these two ladies were great examples of strength and courage.   A year later, I am happy to report that both of Lisa and Bryn are thriving and have overcome their disease.

This year, October, I want to share the story of another mom, with three young children, who has been diagnosed with breast cancer.  Many of you already know her….Jori Jellison.   Her story is incredibly interesting, because she is completely responsible for finding the cancer, insisting on a mammogram and, basically, saving her own life.

When Jori and I first started talking she shared that her maternal grandmother died of breast cancer when she was only five years old.  But, having a history of breast cancer in the family didn’t cause Jori to do regular breast exams.  As a matter of fact, she sort of avoided them.  Given her family history, she DID have a mammogram at the age of 35, but when that came back clean, she sort of tucked away any thought of breast cancer.  Around the time she was 38 years old, something made her think about doing a breast exam, and when she did, she felt a small lump right away.  Even after she detected this abnormality, she waited a short time before calling her doctor.  When she finally got in to see him, he agreed he felt a small lump, and told her would be okay to watch it for a little while.  But, Jori’s instincts took over and she told the doc about her family history- with that information in hand the doctor scheduled Jori for a mammogram right away.  The date her mammogram fell on was Friday, February 13th.  The day before Valentines and two days after her husband, Jeff, had vocal chord surgery.

The way Jori describes her whole experience from mammogram to diagnosis was “surreal”. While she was getting her mammogram, the technician who started off cold and rough, transformed into a sweet and nurturing individual (causing Jori to wonder what she was seeing on the films).  She went from the mammogram to an ultrasound where a different technician talking her through the process matter of factly said, ” Okay, this is not a cyst, lets get the radioligist and have her take a look”.  The radiologist walked in, after looking at the pictures, and announced, “Based on my experience, it looks like you  have breast cancer and we need to get you into a biopsy next week.”  And that was it.  Or, that is where it all started.

This is the moment that I envision myself just loosing my marbles if I was in her shoes.  When I asked about that, Jori said she actually didn’t loose it at that point because the radiologist confirmed that she looked to be in the early stages and it was a good thing she caught it when she did….so there was some good news at that meeting.  Jori’s husband wasn’t with her because he was recovering from his surgery and wasn’t allowed to talk for another week.  So, she had to text the news to him- as she sat there waiting for the technicians to schedule her biopsy.  After receiving all of the news and trying to digest it, she had to go to Target to purchase Valentines cards and goodies for her children (because she had put it off all week).  She felt like she was living in a dream.  Could this really be happening to her?

The biopsy was scheduled for Tuesday, February 17.  Her appointments were smack in the middle of winter break and she was disappointed that her plans to take her kids to various amusement parks over the week had to be cancelled.  Her biopsy was particularly difficult as they had to puncture her breast with a core needle (thick and long) to extract breast tissue.  Her husband had to leave the room.  Results were scheduled to come back on Thursday, so Jori did what most nervous moms would do, she took the kids to Disneyland on Wednesday.  I say that in jest, because I don’t know how she was able to keep her wits about her while chasing her three kids around the happiest place on earth.

When the results came back on Thursday, she learned that she had a non-hormonal form of breast cancer.  The fastest growing worst kind of cancer, but the easiest to kill.  Each time she received news like this from her doctors, it was bitter sweet.  Yes, it was cancer, but the easiest to kill.  She did try to focus on the “positive” points throughout diagnosis and treatment.  Since her growth was still small, she was offered a lumpectomy.  But, after consulting several professionals in the field, she opted for a double mastectomy.  She was given lists of things to consider and literature describing the process.  But, after hearing you have cancer, how difficult would it be to focus on all of the details?  Thankfully, she was referred to Dr. Carey Cullinane who was able to help guide her through the decisions such as whether to have a double mastectomy or lumpectomy and radiation instead.  Dr. Cullinane proved to be an invaluable resource to Jori on many levels.

Three weeks after being diagnosed, Jori had her double mastectomy.  As she got home from the hospital and was settling into her own bed, she received a call from Dr. Chan who was conducting DNA tests to discover if Jori had “mutations” in her  BRCA 1 and 2 genes.  Normal BRCA1 and BRCA2 are know as a class of genes that supress tumor growth.  Women with mutations in this class of genes are 5 times more likely to be diagnosed with breast, ovarian cervical or uterine cancer.  Click here for more information on BRCA 1 and 2.  The news for Jori wasn’t good.  Dr. Chan found that Jori had the mutation in her BRCA 1 gene.

Up to this point, Jori was incredibly strong and refused to start asking “Why me?” because she was incredibly relieved that she was the one with cancer and not one of her kids.  Now, the walls came crumbling down.  The presence of the BRCA1 mutation, made Jori worry that she would be at risk for another type of cancer down the road.  The news was just too difficult to bear.  Of course Jori didn’t let the news keep her down.  She decided to schedule a radical hysterectomy- and is now recovering from that surgery.  In between all of this she has had chemo, lost all her hair, had breast reconstruction and is finally looking forward to a complete recovery.

We talked for over an hour.  Once again, I am only able to scratch the surface of what some mothers must endure to live and see their children grow old.  I can’t imagine that any single one of us wouldn’t do the same, but isn’t it worth it to be thankful everyday that you wake up in perfect health?  I am guilty of complaining about stiff neck, menstrual cramps or another load of laundry.  But, I am so happy that I GET to complain about those things instead of chemotherapy, breast reconstruction, a hysterectomy and so on.  Jori’s experience combined with the stories of Bryn and Lisa really do make me appreciate my life and my health.  Thank you ladies for showing me what courage, optimism and life is all about.

On an end note.  Before publishing this story, I shared it with Jori to confirm I had my facts correct.  I got to thinking about how it might feel to share her story.  Laying all of your personal information out for everyone to read can be somewhat scary.  I imagine there is a point where you get tired of talking about your diagnosis and updating everyone on your progress.   Nonetheless, I want to let Jori know that I appreciate her sharing and I did my own self breast exam right after I hung up the phone with her.  I hope the rest of you do the same after reading this.

How do you measure success?

How do YOU measure your own success?  Does it have to do with the balance in your bank account?  Do you measure yourself against others?  Are you waiting for your kids to succeed in order to confirm that you were successful?  Or maybe you need to recognized by your peers to know you are successful.  Yesterday I sat down with Angie Azur, and we batted that question around a bit.

Angie is a writer.  She is a mom of two boys, a wife AND a writer.  The question of success came about when we began discussing her current projects.  She has penned several young adult novels, one is with a publisher in “revisions” the others are still making the rounds at various publishers.  She has written articles which have been published in magazines.  She is also working on a screenplay and a reality show treatment.  She explained that the world of writing and publishing is a hard nut to crack and, as a writer, you have to be thick-skinned to deal with all of the letters of rejection that arrive in the mailbox. That’s why I brought up the question of success.  I marveled at Angie’s ability to persevere with her goals in light of the fact that she has been focused and working hard for at least 5 years without getting one of her books published.  Turns out, Angie is tougher than she looks.

I met Angie through my blog.  She was kind enough to reach out to me by commenting on my blog.  In her comment she mentioned that she writes a blog as well: Angie’s Politically Incorrect Advice.  Of course, I took a look.  I was fascinated by her words and surprised to find that she focuses writing novels for young adults- her website with synopsis of her books is: www.teazurs.com.  When we finally met, I saw a fellow mom who seemed as sweet and easy going as the day is long.  Appearances can be decieiving.  Yes, she is kind and easy going; but, below that sweet exterior is a intelligent and fearless girl who broke away from her abusive background, to follow her dreams of a better life.

She is the oldest of four children born to parent’s who were/are extremely traditional.  By her own account her father was an alcoholic, abusive and prejudice man.  Her mother was submissive and lacked the courage to stand up to her dad when he was mistreating the kids. By the age of 5, Angie vividly remembers making a decision to live out her life differently than her parents.  Growing up in a small town, Big Beaver, PA, she knew she would need to focus and education and independence to order to break free of her situation.  She joined the junior fire dept. when she was only 14 years old and by the time she was 16 she was a full fledged member of the local fire department.  At 18 years of age, she moved out of her home and attended a junior college where she met her husband, Bryan.  She and Bryan were marrried by the time she was 23 and with his encouragement, she went back to school to earn her degree in Psychology.  Currently, she is working on a Master’s Degree in Creative Writing.

Thus far, I would argue that Angie has been a huge success.  She has moved on from her past, found peace and happiness with her husband and children and is close to completing her Master’s Degree.   Almost every day, she takes time to write.  And the part I love is that she isn’t waiting for a confirmation from anyone that she is good enough to keep plugging away.  She writes because she loves writing.  Part of the reason her story is important to share with others is that she has committed a great deal of time to her writing and has yet to get a book published.  Yet, she hasn’t given up!  If you have a dream or a goal that isn’t fulfilled right away, do you give up?  I believe in Angie.  But I don’t think that matters to her.  What matters most is that SHE believes in herself.  Be inspired by her perseverance and believe in yourself no matter what it is that you are wanting to do: it may take some time to come to fruition.

The race is on!

The book:  Is there Really a Human Race? by Jamie Lee Curtis and Laura Cornell is an amazing book for children aged 3-10. Each time I read it, I realize that this is a great book for adults as well as children.  I particularly like the following passages:

Is the race like a loop or an obstacle course?  Am I a jockey, am I a horse?  Is there pushing and shoving to get to the lead? If the race is unfair, will I succeed?  Do some of us win?  Do some of us lose?  Is winning or losing something I choose?   Why am I racing ? What am I winning?  Does all of my running keep the world spinning?

It ends with : Sometimes it’s better not to go fast.  There are beautiful sights to be seen when you’re last.  Shouldn’t it be that you just try your best?  And that’s more important than beating the rest?

The entire message of this book is worth considering at this busy time of year.  The kids have gone back to school.  Sports are starting up.  Volunteer opportunities, play dates and personal goals fill up my calendar from morning to night.  I find it difficult to slow myself down.  I want to be the best mom, best athlete, best wife, best friend and a successful business woman.  Is it possible? Not only do I  push myself, but then I turn around and push my kids.  Am I too hard on them? Why can’t I be happy if they are just great students?  Do they need to be better than everyone else?  What the hell am I teaching my kids!!!!!????

I don’t have the answers to all of the questions above.  I am still working on how to slow things down a bit.  The days that I am able to enjoy my life the most are those that I actually sit down and listen to my kids for more than five minutes.  Maybe they are telling me a silly story, or something that happened at school or what they want for Christmas (yes they already have a list).  I don’t answer the phone or check emails for a stretch of time and I have a minute to look around and appreciate all of the wonderful things in my life.