Today I learned how to do a flip on the trampoline.  I didn’t quite land it and I also of pulled a muscle in my neck from the whiplash of over-rotating; but it was pretty impressive (at least my kids enjoyed it).   It got me to thinking of some of the crazy  things I have learned since becoming a mom over eight years ago.

I have learned how to use the restroom in 15 seconds flat- including washing hands.

I have learned how to play with light sabers.

I am undefeated  at head-stand contests.

I have learned that pretending to be magic can pull a child out of a tantrum 9 times out of 10.  It’s amazing that my youngest still believes I performing magic whenever he is on the ground crying.

I learned that there is no such thing as peace and quiet;  but, I sort of like loud and chaotic.

I have learned that, no matter what, little boys ALWAYS find passing gas funny- especially while they are sitting on your lap (yesterday Cade told Brad, “Daddy, tickle me till I fart.”  Gross.

I have learned there is no such thing as a day off from parenting.  Even if you are on vacation, you are still worrying about the kids and how they are doing.

I learned that every mother carries some sort of mommy guilt around for something they wish they did differently or better.

I have learned that being a mom is one of the hardest jobs in the world, but worth every minute.

I am thankful for…

My beautiful boys.  They remind me, every day, what life is all about.  And, the fact that they are all healthy is such a gift from god.

My supportive husband.  He helps me with everything and never complains about anything (other than the shoes I leave around the house).  He goes to work all day then comes home and helps me fold the laundry, pick up the house, put the kids to bed…the list goes on, but seriously, he never asks for anything in return.

My parents. They devoted all of their time and resources toward raising us kids- with perspective I now realize what a hard job that is.  My mom goes out of her way to make EVERYTHING special: from the way she wraps gifts to the projects she creates for my kids.   My parents show tons of love and affection to my kids.  The boys just love having them around.

Brad’s parents.  They  raised three of the most wonderful boys.  They never comment on how we parent our children and have nothing but positive feedback for our family.  Also, they don’t make us feel guilty when we can’t make it back to Kansas for holidays.  They just express gratitude when we do make it back. Our boys love and miss them when they don’t get to see them all the time.

My siblings.  Kim, you are such a wonderful mother and you have gift for “going with flow”.  I also love how you express yourself in writing. Maybe you should write a blog!  Bryan, your kindness and compassion towards others is greater than you are aware of.  You are the kind of person that would drop everything to help others.  A rare attribute.

Brad’s siblings.  How does one girl get lucky enough to have such an amazing support network of family?  Brad’s brothers and their wives and children are truly an amazing bunch of people.  Each and every one of them is gifted with a talent.  We just shared our Thanksgiving together and I am energized by their love and solidarity to one another (including me).

My health.  I am blessed to be healthy and wake up every day thinking as much.

My friends.  I am so lucky to have a beautiful circle of friends.  People who support my blog, my family and who are willing to listen to me when I am down.  People who lift me up, say kind things and laugh with me.  My friends over-look the parts of me that are annoying and help me to be a better person.

This is just a snapshot of some of the things I am grateful for.  I don’t want to bore you all with minutiae, but I hope that you will take the time between now and the end of the year, to take inventory of your life and express gratitude for what you have.

Is the race like a loop or an obstacle course?  Am I a jockey, am I a horse?  Is there pushing and shoving to get to the lead? If the race is unfair, will I succeed?  Do some of us win?  Do some of us lose?  Is winning or losing something I choose?   Why am I racing ? What am I winning?  Does all of my running keep the world spinning?

It ends with : Sometimes it’s better not to go fast.  There are beautiful sights to be seen when you’re last.  Shouldn’t it be that you just try your best?  And that’s more important than beating the rest?

The entire message of this book is worth considering at this busy time of year.  The kids have gone back to school.  Sports are starting up.  Volunteer opportunities, play dates and personal goals fill up my calendar from morning to night.  I find it difficult to slow myself down.  I want to be the best mom, best athlete, best wife, best friend and a successful business woman.  Is it possible? Not only do I  push myself, but then I turn around and push my kids.  Am I too hard on them? Why can’t I be happy if they are just great students?  Do they need to be better than everyone else?  What the hell am I teaching my kids!!!!!????

I don’t have the answers to all of the questions above.  I am still working on how to slow things down a bit.  The days that I am able to enjoy my life the most are those that I actually sit down and listen to my kids for more than five minutes.  Maybe they are telling me a silly story, or something that happened at school or what they want for Christmas (yes they already have a list).  I don’t answer the phone or check emails for a stretch of time and I have a minute to look around and appreciate all of the wonderful things in my life.

Her desire to build her dream business grew stronger when she went looking for the perfect birth announcement to share the joy of Austin’s arrival.  After visiting a couple of stores around town, Phyllis felt frustrated by her limited choice of stationery suppliers.  And, after she got settled into her routine of being a ful-time mom, she decided to take action and embark on her dream of building her own little company. In 2004 she created her company, Broadcasting Baby, and headed to the National Stationery Show in New York City.  She found several suppliers that she loved and wanted to work with.  She gathered up resources and headed back to Los Angeles…not sure exactly what she would do next.

One of my favorite quotes is: A journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step (Lao Tzu).  The way Phyllis describes starting Broadcasting Baby was a series of manageable steps.  First, there were several administrative items that Phyllis had to tend to such as registering her company name and applying for a wholesaler’s license.  After that, Phyllis talked to her favorite vendors from the stationery show, established accounts and got samples of all their products.  After investing (3 months in getting everything set up…she threw a party to announce her new business.  In addition, she participated in a few shopping parties hosted by friends.  Each time she  learned more about what her customers were looking to buy and made adjustments in her business offerings to accommodate the demand.

She found some success in this formula, but felt she could really ramp up her business if she was able to sell products online.  Once again, Phyllis took several small steps and created a website for Broadcasting Baby. But, here is the interesting part:  Phyllis had no experience in web commerce at the time and she wasn’t really aware that her site wouldn’t allow her the control she needed to find that success she was looking for.  Each time she wanted to add a product or change a detail on a product, she had to work through a programmer…which required time and money.  She found herself struggling to break even on the time and money she was investing.  The reason I find her experience so interesting is that in order to find success, there usually is some sort of a “learning curve”.  Any time along that curve, the desire to give up might be intense.  But Phyllis didn’t give up.  She did scrap her first website- because after doing some research she found out that there was already infrastructure in place that could be bought for business like Broadcasting Baby.  A company called Network Solutions created a new site for her business and gave her the tools she needed to take control of her own site.

Phyllis’s perseverance resulted in a great site.  This time, she is fairly confident she got all of the pieces correct.  If you visit Broadcasting Baby, you will find every kind of personalized gift you could imagine.  I got the personalized stainless steel water bottle for myself- so I can stay hydrated without polluting the earth with plastic bottles.  They also make a great birthday party gift for the child who already has every toy sold at Target.  She has a monthly newsletter that highlights different products and has fun gift ideas for everyone on your list.   Next time you are looking for a gift for someone who has everything (sister, brother, friend or grandma), visit Broadcasting Baby and you will surely find something unique and useful.  And if you ever dreamed of owning your own business- think about Phyllis and her 5 year journey to arrive here, today.  She is a great example of someone who doesn’t quit when the going gets rough.

This has been an emotional (both happy and sad) week for several reasons:  I started a new birth control pill, which has made me slightly crazy.  Space Studio, where I have taught spin class for 2 years is closing (last classes were today). My first grade son performed in a class play at school.  And, most importantly, today is Mother’s Day.

I am anxious to hear how all of you spent your day- I imagine it will be a topic of conversation for the next few days as we all run into one another at school drop-off etc.  For me, today wasn’t much different from most the days of my year.  But, I say that in a positive way because I really enjoy most the days of the year!  If you all are reading and rolling your eyes at me- just give me a minute to explain:

I was recently sitting on the couch eating bon-bons and watching Oprah- just kidding, but I do Tivo Oprah and I was especially interested to see an episode that focused on things that mom’s never tell one another- sort of like the unspoken code.  With great anticipation, I hopped into to bed that night and tuned into the show (my husband was pretty bummed because he wanted to watch basketball or something).  Anyway, I hear all of these moms presenting motherhood in a way that sort of turned me off.  It was funny, but at the same time sad to hear what they were saying.  One mom talked about being “tethered” to another being for the rest of her life.  Another mom shared how she lived just to make it through the day.  It’s not that we all don’t have bad days; but, I believe that your experience as a parent can be fun or miserable depending on YOUR attitude.

When I had my second son, my darling sister, mother of 3 sons, and one daughter gave me a perspective on parenting that has changed the way I parent.  When her boys were waking up in the middle of the night as babies…instead of complaining about it, she found joy in the quiet one on one time she got with them.   As she laid down with them each night to sing them to sleep, instead of viewing it as a chore, she kept in mind that the days of cuddling them her arms would quickly be gone.  In essence, she reminded to find pleasure in almost every aspect of parenting.

It’s not always an easy task, but I have to say, when I adjusted my attitude, my job as a mom got ten times easier.  Now, when I pack a lunch each day- I take pleasure in knowing that I am providing a healthy meal.  At bedtime, I enjoy laying with the kids and talking about the day hoping that this might continue as they grow older.  In the morning, we start with cuddling and some great tunes.  Just like my previous blog said- I am far from perfect and sometimes my attitude just sucks.   But embracing motherhood with a positive attitude really lets your children know how valuable they are vs. having them feel like the are a dreaded chore to you.

This morning was pretty much like any other day- but I love that.  I don’t need a bunch of flowers and a fattening breakfast to know I am loved and appreciated.  The homemade cards and gifts from school were such a nice treat.  My husband took the boys for an hour so I could sit here and type up my message- that is another great gift.  But, I hear everyone downstairs laughing and playing and I think I will go join them!  Happy Mother’s Day.  Each and everyone of you is special and amazing.  Enjoy your family.

T

She read about Jania Fox running a half marathon and Beth Armstrong doing the Ironman- but realized as much as she likes fitness- the desire to run anything more than 3 miles wasn’t creating that fire in her belly.  She wasn’t burning to start her own business or create a charitable organization.  Then she remembered a dream that had occupied her in the past but never quite got off the ground.  Lisa had written a children’s book when her daughter Lauren was just over a year old.  She sent it out to a few publishers- but when those publishers passed on the story she let the project die.

She decided to resurrect her old dream of getting her story published.  Let me start with the climax and work backward.  Her story was accepted for publishing and you can check it out by clicking this link: Cookie, By Lisa Woomer.  Not only did she write this charming story based on her experience as a mom of a picky eater, but she also illustrated her own story.

The plot of the story is a scenario that most mom’s are familiar with: no matter how hard we try to get our children to eat healthy, most kids would prefer a cookie to broccoli.  Some of us moms (I’m not naming names) don’t worry too much about the broccoli situation- assuming it will resolve itself someday.  Lisa, however, is a different kind of mom.  You know that mom who makes her own babyfood with organic fruits and veggies?  That is Lisa.  Not many moms I know purchased a vegan cake for their child’s first birthday either.

Lisa has always had a passion for health and fitness.  She worked as a step aerobics instructor to pay for part of her college tuition.  When she was a teacher she regularly brought her students healthy snacks to eat in class.   After getting married and having her first child she was committed to feeding her daughter only the healthiest food.  As luck would have it she had a picky eater on her hands.  Her daughter, Lauren, would squirm and pucker when she fed her delicacies such as homemade applesauce and sweet potatoes.  But, by the time Lauren turned one, she began to recognize some foods that she thoroughly enjoyed…much to Lisa’s dismay- it wasn’t homemade veggies.  Based on her experience with Lauren, the story of Cookie started to come together in Lisa’s mind.

Lisa wrote the story knowing that she wasn’t alone in her frustration over her picky eater.  Rather than be frustrated by the situation, Lisa decided to find the humor in it.  After writing her story, she attended a workshop on how to get a book published.  From that workshop, she learned some valuable information about formatting and presenting a story to publishers.   She sent her story out to a few big names and didn’t get the response she was looking for. At that time she tucked her story away and didn’t pursue it any further.

Since her initial efforts, the publishing world has changed dramatically due to the advances in online book sales.  Thankfully, she renewed her efforts and was successful this time around.  Now, her children will add their mom’s book to bookshelves to be passed down to their children too.   You can buy her book online and support her courage and persistence in seeing her dream through to fruition.  If you buy the book in the next two months, Lisa will donate the profits to Manhattan Beach Education Foundation.  At a minimum, you have to take a look at the book by clicking the link here:  Cookie, by Lisa Woomer.   

Here’s the thing,  I love blogging and I love inspiring others.  I read and listen to my own words as much as I write them.  The reality is…I am far from perfect.  I have lots of things I want to improve on, I do get behind on my housework, I also yell at my kids occasionally.  I have forgotten birthday parties, put my foot in my mouth on several occasions and I confess to periodically getting pissed at my husband for absolutely nothing!  I have bounced checks, backed into parked cars, let my kids watch TV all day and accidently passed gas one time in church (in my defense I was only 20- but it still).  I never write my blogs from a place of judgement..we are all in this together.  We are all striving to be the best we can be: as mothers, wives, friends and daughters.

My dream is that this blog is received as inspirational and constructive.  We all deserve to be recognized for the amazing job we are doing each and every day.  None of us is perfect and I don’t even think that I am close!  However, I am willing to admit that I need help on all kinds of things and I do apologize when I am wrong or offend others.  Finally, I have the desire to improve on some key areas of my life.  I am constantly working on living in the moment, enjoying life’s simple pleasures (yesterday I went for a walk and I could smell every single flower I passed along the way) and cherishing my kids.  

Thanks for reading and supporting this site/blog.  Every time I get feedback from my readers I am inspired to continue writing and striving to recognize amazing moms.  On that note, I am going to clean that closet after the kids go to bed and it probably won’t be the last time that I do it either!

I want to share Keri’s story because I think we can all find something important from her experience.  Keri was and still is an incredibly positive and bubbly personality.  Her energy is contagious and she is always fun to talk to.  She met her husband, Jay, when she was in her late 20’s and they settled down got married just like most of us have done.  It took a while for the couple to conceive, but when they learned they were expecting a child they were ecstatic.  Keri says, “When you are pregnant and expecting your first baby, you never imagine that anything will be wrong with YOUR baby.  You have normal first-timer worries, but you still imagine your life with a healthy child.”

Labor and delivery were normal and the new family left the hospital full of joy and exhaustion.  Jack was a colicky baby.  Since this is a common occurance there were no red flags.  However, as Jack approached the 3-month mark, Keri became concerned with Jack’s “flat affect” in other words, no expression.  Keri had several friends with young children and she noticed that by the time their children reached 3-months they were becoming increasingly expressive.  She began to fear that something might be wrong with her son- but was reassured by her pediatrician that all children develop differently.  But, with each passing day, the pit in her stomach grew.  Her gut kept telling her that something might be wrong with Jack.

Six months after the birth of her precious son, she was in the market and stood in line behind a mom with a little girl who was engaging, babbling and interacting.  Outgoing as she is, Keri started chatting with the mom and asked the age of her daughter.  The woman replied that her daughter was 6 months.  Keri’s stomach sank.  She couldn’t believe the difference in their children.  Jack wasn’t rolling, grasping objects or engaging with others at six months.  At that point, she started on a mission to find out what was wrong with her son.

She scheduled appointments with her pediatrician (again) and a neurologist.  Both of whom observed that something wasn’t right, but were unable to diagnose her son with anything specific.  Keri suspected autism at this point, but both doctors told her it was entirely too early to diagnose autism.  She was referred to a specialist at Children’s Hospital in Orange County (CHOC).  She and her husband were frustrated and confused by the lack of diagnosis thus far, so they decided to make a 30-minute video of their son, trying to capture some of his behaviors that they found troubling.

In July of 2004 they headed to their scheduled appointment not sure what to expect, their son was just nine months at the time.  They met with a doctor who talked with them for about 15-20 minutes then said, “I know what is wrong with your son.”  On the edge of their seats, they waited to hear the diagnosis.  ”Your son is autistic.”   Confirming Keri and Jay’s suspicions, but delivering the news that no parent wants to hear.  Jack’s autism was so severe, that even at nine months experts were able to see the telltale signs.

From the day that Keri and her husband heard the news, they began taking action.  All evidence has shown that early intervention in autism can produce amazing results.  At the same time, Keri admits that she sucuumed to extreme sadness verging on depression.  ”It’s one of those things that you think you might wake up and find it was just a dream.”  Keri doesn’t want to come off as selfish but I think we can all agree, as parents, we have those dreams of watching our children of play soccer or heading off to the first day of kindergarten, graduating high school/college, getting married and having children.  Not to oversimplify…but I know that I look forward to all of those common milestones in my kid’s life.  Keri was not only faced with the reality that her dreams would look different from what she envisioned, but also the responsibility of caring for a special needs child for the rest of her life.  When we talked, this was a focus of our conversation- she doesn’t get to look forward to these milestones with Jack.  Each time she stops to think about it, she feels like she is back on the edge of that “pit of sadness”.  She wanted to drive home the point that her sadness is not like being “bummed out”.   She equates it more to a feeling that her perfect baby and dreams for that child have died.  At the same time, having an autistic son doesn’t stop Keri and Jay from living a happy life- they continue embrace each day and find reasons to smile and have fun.

Jack’s case of autism is unique.  Even with early intervention, progress has been slow.  He can’t use utensils, he isn’t potty trained and he is unable to communicate his needs.  The family has left no stone unturned including special diets, occupational therapy, speach therapists: you name it, they have tried it.  One of the many wonderful things about her son include the fact that he does show plenty of affection.  Keri is relieved that he is so loving because it makes parenting him much easier and completely rewarding.  As he has grown, caring for him had become more difficult.  Another concern that Keri has is when the day comes that Jack over powers her.  It is scary to think about how difficult her job will become.

After several months of consideration, Keri and her husband decided to have another child.  Their main concern was the odds of having a second child with autism.  They were given odds of 1 in 7 when they consulted a genetic counselor.  But they really wanted to experience having another child.  Sam in now 2 1/2 years old.  With each milestone that Sam meets Keri is amazed and relieved that he doesn’t share his big brothers diagnosis.  Needless to say, she is a very busy mom.

Keri continues to struggle with bouts of sadness- the question “Why me?” still pops into her head.  Two things have helped minimize her sadness: focusing on the present day and building a friendship with another mom in a similar situation as hers. As a matter of fact, having a good friend who also has a special needs child has made an amazing difference in Keri’s life. 

Parent’s of children with special needs deserve to be recognized and appreciated every day.  I can’t  imagine how much patience Keri and Jay need to muster to endlessly anticipate Jack’s needs.  They rarely get a break from his care and they are unable to travel as a family since Jack is over stimulated by anything new.  After talking to Keri, I have a greater appreciation for the work and energy that it takes to raise a special needs child.  Instead of complaining that my kids want to go to the park, play basketball or ride their bikes (again) maybe now I will smile and say, “All right, let’s go!” 

By following her gut, she saved her own life and that of her unborn child.  The attacks of September 11th had a dramatic impact on all Americans.  But, for those people who escaped death and witnessed tragedy first hand the impact was even more profound.  On that day, Denise lost her boss, several co-workers and even knew a passenger who was on board one of the planes that was hijacked.  When we talked about how this has affected her life, she said after September 11th she had two choices:   she could spend the rest of her life reliving the events of that day or she could embrace the fact that she escaped death and live each day to the fullest.    We are sitting here today talking because she chose to embrace life.

Before I knew any of Denise’s background, I admired her.  Bright, warm and beautiful are some of the adjectives that swirled in my head when I saw her around town.  I decided to interview Denise for this site, because she is a stay at work mom and I have not yet featured an Inspired Mom who works in corporate world.  Denise works at AON International where she is the Chair of the  Women’s International Network (WIN).  WIN provides a global community for working women seeking mentorship, professional and personal growth, workplace flexibility, and visibility.  In addition, Denise writes for Mommytrackd.com (under Newsflash see “hot topics”) and does a radio show on MomsTheWordShow.com.  She is an advocate for women on every level.  Whether you are a stay-at-work mom or a stay-at-home mom, keep reading, there is something here for everyone.

I asked Denise some of her secrets for keeping track of her various commitments while raising a family. Her advice follows below:  

First, you must have a calendar/scheduling system that works.  Keeping track of your obligations as well as scheduling time for yourself can all be managed if you have a calendar or appointment system that is effective.  Some of Denise’s top priorities include breakfast with her kids, picking them up at school twice a week, two trips to the gym every week (hopefully three), one night out with her husband and, of course, work.  Her scheduling system keeps her from over-committing and forgetting important tasks.  It also assures her that she can stay true to her priorities.

Don’t overcommit/over schedule yourself.  Denise recently wrote an article which discussed a problem that many of us encounter:  too much to do and not enough time to do it.  This situation can be improved if we selectively say “no” or “not now” to commitments which do not harmonize with the list of priorities we have for ourselves and our families.  Furthermore, you will be less stressed and less likely to cancel or flake on those people who are important to you.

Finally, don’t feel guilty about the decisions you make.  Take charge of your destiny and move through life with vigor and happiness.  Denise decided to leave her office on September 11th- that saved her life.  She decided to continue working after having children- and she is proud of her accomplishments.  She takes time to go to the gym- because her physical and mental health are just as important as her family.

When I commented that she seems to live with no regrets, she assured me that she has doubts about the choices she makes just like the rest of us.  But, having doubts is a normal part of progress making choices. By trusting your choices and focusing on why those decisions have made you better or stronger you are more likely to find peace.

No matter what you want to do in your life, think about starting today.  Tell your kids you love them, thank your husband for his support, let your friends know you care.  Figure out what is important and be committed to your goals.   Life is too precious to make excuses. 

by Erma Bombeck

The following was written by the late Erma Bombeck 
after she found out she had a fatal disease.

If I had my life to live over, I would have talked less and listened more.

I would have invited friends over to dinner even if the carpet was stained and the sofa faded.

I would have eaten the popcorn in the ‘good’ living room and worried much less about the dirt when someone wanted to light a fire in the fireplace.

I would have taken the time to listen to my grandfather ramble about his youth.

I would never have insisted the car windows be rolled up on a summer day because my hair had just been teased and sprayed.

I would have burned the pink candle sculpted like a rose before it melted in storage.

I would have sat on the lawn with my children and not worried about grass stains.

I would have cried and laughed less while watching television – and more while watching life.

I would have shared more of the responsibility carried by my husband.

I would have gone to bed when I was sick instead of pretending the earth would go into a holding pattern if I weren’t there for the day.

I would never have bought anything just because it was practical, wouldn’t show soil or was guaranteed to last a lifetime.

Instead of wishing away nine months of pregnancy, I’d have cherished every moment and realized that the wonderment growing inside me was the only chance in life to assist God in a miracle.

When my kids kissed me impetuously, I would never have said, “Later. Now go get washed up for dinner.”

There would have been more “I love you’s”.. More “I’m sorrys” …

But mostly, given another shot at life, I would seize every minute… look at it and really see it … live it…and never give it back.

© Erma Bombeck